Lorraine

“We often take for granted the very things
that most deserve our gratitude.”
?Cynthia Ozick

How often do you pause to appreciate your life?  How often do you stop dead in your tracks and think, “Goodness, I have it pretty darn good”?

Even when life is far from perfect, it’s important to keep things in perspective.  Many people in this world wish they had what you have.  Here’s why:

1.  You are educated enough to read this.

If you’re reading this, you have something brilliant to be thankful for.  It’s called an education.  Believe it or not, there are roughly 774 million people in the world who don’t have this ability.  That’s a significant percentage of the human population.

Literacy is the bridge that closes the gap between discouragement and confidence, between confusion and understanding, and between sadness and hope.  It’s the greatest platform of personal growth, and the means by which every human being can realize their full potential.

Isn’t it crazy to think about how many people aren’t educated enough to make use of this basic human right?

2.  You are reasonably healthy.

In other words, if you got sick today you could recover.

Never underestimate the gift of your health.  It’s the greatest wealth you will ever own.  It’s the foundation for every chance at happiness and success life has to offer.  Your body is the only place you will truly ever live.

If you’re lucky enough to have a body that’s in good health, be wise enough to keep it that way.  Doing so is easier than most of us make it.  Too often we focus on the negatives.  We think about how hard it will be and all the sacrifices that must be made.  But one of life’s greatest joys and one the primary benefits of good health comes from focusing on the positives of a healthy lifestyle – what we gain through living and feeling well.

The secret to good health for both the mind and body is to live in the present moment openly and earnestly, to eat lightly, breathe deeply, exercise daily, cultivate happiness through acceptance, and maintain a general interest in whatever it is you spend the majority of your time doing.  Read Crazy Sexy Diet.

3.  You have the freedom to choose.

If you often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc., be grateful.  All details aside, this means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.

In the space between your yes and no, there’s liberation.  It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one others want you to walk; it’s the gap between who you could become and who you want to be; it’s the legroom of free choice – a liberty that should never be taken for granted.

4.  You have enough wealth to live comfortably.

You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.  You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.  You had a choice of what clothes to wear.  You have access to clean drinking water and electricity.  You are online right now.

You have plenty to be comfortable.  Being wealthy is a mindset.  Be sure you understand this.  Want less and appreciate more.  Read 1,000 Little Things.

5.  You have a home.

Home isn’t a physical structure, or a specific location on a map.  Home is wherever the people you love are, whenever you’re with them – even if your encounter is virtual.  It’s not a defined place, but a space in your heart and mind that builds upon itself like little bricks being stacked to create something stable that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.

The love and admiration shared amongst friends, lovers, and family members is a true gift that provides a shelter for the spirit as it grows.  If you have this kind of love in your life – like so many of us do – you are one of the lucky ones.

6.  You still have a chance.

Time is precious.  Everything you know is ending.  Not yet, but soon enough.

What you must decide is what you want to do with the time you have left.  If your lifespan were to expire this evening at the stroke of midnight, would you be at ease with how you have spent your time today?  This is not a rhetorical question.  Nothing is guaranteed.

Someday, like many others are experiencing right this second, your time will expire.  Don’t be afraid.  Be alive in this moment and make the most of it.  Right now is your chance.  Read The Power of Now.

Final Thoughts

You and I are extremely fortunate.  There are many people in this world who wish they had what we have.

So tell me:  What are you most grateful for today?

Photo by: Laurence and Annie

A good life is when you assume nothing, do more, need less, smile often and realize how fortunate you are right now.  It’s about the simple pleasures that make you happy, the compassionate deeds you perform, the personal goals you strive to achieve, the relationships you nurture and the legacy you leave behind.

So starting today, choose to take control.  Here are ten commandments to help you live a good life.

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count.
It’s the life in your years.
– Abraham Lincoln

I.  I am not perfect and I will not try to be.

Think of how many things don’t get done in this world simply because people are waiting for the perfect time, place and circumstance.

The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists.  It rewards people who get things done.  And the only way to get things done is to be imperfect 99% of the time.  (Read Too Perfect.)

ll.  I cannot, and will not try, to please everyone.

No matter what you do or how you do it, there will always be people that disagree with what you’re doing.  That’s life.  So don’t try to please everyone.  Simply do what you know is right.

And remember, it doesn’t matter how many people don’t get it, it matters how many people do.

III.  I will take part in something I believe in.

This could be anything.  Some people take an active role in their city council, some find refuge in religious faith, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in and others find passion in their careers.  In each case the psychological outcome is the same.  They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in.  This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.

IV.  I will prioritize my obligations and do important things first.

Set priorities for yourself and act accordingly.  It’s the only way to get things done.

It’s the only way to turn a dream into a reality.  (Read Getting Things Done.)

V.  I will choose my friends wisely.

Your friends are family you choose.  So make sure you choose friends who are worthy of your time and attention.

Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be.  Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.

VI.  I will help others when I am able.

In life, you get what you put in.

When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.

VII.  I will focus on the positive.

Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  The mind must believe it can do something before it is capable of actually doing it.

The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.  Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on the next positive step forward.

VIII.  I can only be me.

Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.”  Live by this statement.

There is no such thing as living in someone else’s shoes.  The only shoes you can occupy are your own.  If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living – you’re merely existing.  And ask yourself this:  If you don’t like who you really are, why should I like you?

Trying to be somebody you’re not is not sexy.  Be you.  That’s when you’re beautiful.

IX.  I will be here now.

Life is happening right now.  Instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, practice being and living in the present moment.

Remember, right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  Don’t miss it.  (Read Zen and the Art of Happiness.)

X.  Life never gets any better, only my perception of it does.

The world around you changes when you change.

If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.  The opposite is also true.  The choice is yours to make.

Photo by: Eduardo Amorim

As you look back on your life, you will often realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were in fact being redirected to something better.  You can’t control everything.  Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out.  Let go a little and just let life happen.  Because sometimes the truths you can’t change, end up changing you and helping you grow.

Here are twelve such truths…

1. Everything is as it should be.  It’s crazy how you always end up where you’re meant to be – how even the most tragic and stressful situations eventually teach you important lessons that you never dreamed you were going to learn.  Remember, oftentimes when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place.
2. Not until you are lost in this world can you begin to find your true self.  Realizing you are lost is the first step to living the life you want.  The second step is leaving the life you don’t want.  Making a big life change is pretty scary.  But you know what’s even scarier?  Regret.  Vision without action is a daydream, and action without vision is a nightmare.  Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.  (Read Awaken the Giant Within.)
3. It’s usually the deepest pain which empowers you to grow to your full potential.  It’s the scary, stressful choices that end up being the most worthwhile.  Without pain, there would be no change.  But remember, pain, just like everything in life, is meant to be learned from and then released.
4. One of the hardest decisions you will ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or take another step forward.  If you catch yourself in a cycle of trying to change someone, or defending yourself against someone who is trying to change you, walk away.  But if you are pursuing a dream, take another step.  And don’t forget that sometimes this step will involve modifying your dream, or planning a new one – it’s OK to change your mind or have more than one dream.
5. You have to take care of yourself first.  Before befriending others, you have to be your own friend.  Before correcting others, you have to correct yourself.  Before making others happy, you have to make yourself happy.  It’s not called selfishness, it’s called personal development.  Once you balance yourself, only then can you balance the world around you.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things, Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
6. One of the greatest freedoms is truly not caring what everyone else thinks of you.  As long as you are worried about what others think of you, you are owned by them.  Only when you require no approval from outside yourself, can you own yourself.
7. You may need to be single for awhile before you realize that, although the co-owned belongings from your failed relationships might not have been divided equally, the issues that destroyed the relationships likely were.  For how can you stand confidently alone, or see the same issues arising in your newest relationship, and not realize which broken pieces belong to you?  Owning your issues, and dealing with them, will make you far happier in the long run, than owning anything else in this world.
8. The only thing you can absolutely control is how you react to things out of your control.  The more you can adapt to the situations in life, the more powerful your highs will be, and the more quickly you’ll be able to bounce back from the lows in your life.  Put most simply: being at peace means being in a state of complete acceptance of all that is, right here, right now.
9. Some people will lie to you.  Remember, an honest enemy is better than a friend who lies.  Pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what they do.  Their actions will show you the truth, which will help you measure the true quality of your relationship in the long-term.
10. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough.  If you are thankful for what you do have, you will end up having even more.  Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold; happiness dwells in the soul.  Abundance is not about how much you have, it’s how you feel about what you have.  When you take things for granted, your happiness gets taken away.  (Read The Happiness Project.)
11. Yes, you have failed in the past.  But don’t judge yourself by your past, you don’t live there anymore.  Just because you’re not where you want to be today doesn’t mean you won’t be there someday.  You can turn it all around in the blink of an eye by making a simple choice to stand back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again.
12. Everything is going to be alright; maybe not today, but eventually.  There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.  And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t.  Sure the sun stops shining sometimes, and you may get a huge thunderstorm or two, but eventually the sun will come out to shine.  Sometimes it’s just a matter of us staying as positive as possible in order to make it to see the sunshine break through the clouds again.

Photo by: Martin Gommel

Children have never been perfect at listening to their parents, but they have never failed to imitate them.

When you ask parents what they want for their children, what are the most common replies?  They want their children to be smart and happy, of course.

From what we’ve studied, the education and well-being of their children is more important to parents than just about anything else — health care, cost of living, public safety, and even their own well-being.  And believe it or not, most non-parents also say they’re concerned about the well-being and intellectual growth of society’s youth; this concern seems to cut cleanly across gender, ethnicity, age, income and political affiliation.

As new parents, Angel and I get it.  We feel the same way.  We’re concerned about our son’s education and happiness.  So we’ve spent quite a bit of time researching just that — how to raise a smart, happy child.  If you’re looking to do the same, I’ll save you some trouble.  Here’s what our extensive research tells us:

1.  Walk the talk — always set a great example.

It’s not what you say, it’s how you live your life every day.  Don’t tell your children how to live; LIVE and let them watch you.  Practice what you preach or don’t preach at all.  Walk the talk.  Your children look up to you and they will emulate your actions and strive to become who you are.

So BE who you want them to be.

In other words, be the change you want to see in your child.  Give what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.  Every single day.

Your children are the greatest gift life will give you, and their souls the heaviest responsibility it will place in your hands.  Take time with them, and teach them to have faith in themselves by being a person they can have faith in — a person they can trust without question.  When you are old, nothing else you’ve done will have mattered as much.

2.  Reduce YOUR stress, and thus the stress level in the household.

Not easy, I know, but believe it or not what children want from their parents more than anything else is for them to be happier and less stressed.

In a survey of a thousand families discussed in the book The Secrets of Happy Families, a researcher asked children, “If you were granted one wish about your parents, what would it be?”  Most parents predicted their children would say something about spending more time with them.  But they were wrong.  The children’s number one wish was that their parents were less tired and less stressed.  They wanted their parent’s household to be a less stressful place to live.

The book goes on to discuss various studies proving that parental stress weakens children’s brains, depletes their immune systems, and increases their risk of other unhealthy mental and physical ailments.

3.  Believe in your children.

The greatest compliment you can give to a child is to believe in them and let them know you care.  When you see something true, good and beautiful in them, don’t hesitate to express your admiration.  When you see something that is not true, good and beautiful in them, don’t neglect to give them your wholehearted assistance and guidance.

The simple act of believing that your child is capable and worthy makes a big difference.  It gives them confidence and makes them feel qualified to do great things.

In The Heart of Social Psychology, a research study is discussed where elementary school teachers were told that they had certain students in their class who were academically above average.  These students were in fact selected at random (they were not necessarily above average in any way).  Absolutely nothing else was done by the researchers to select these children.  Yet by the end of the school year, 30 percent of the children arbitrarily named as “above average” had gained an average of 22 IQ points, and almost all had gained at least 10 IQ points.

In other words, when the teachers were told certain children were “better,” those kids did better in school.  When someone you respect believes in you, it helps you be the best you can be.  Give your children this opportunity.

4.  Praise your children for their effort, not their intelligence.

Based on the point above, this might sound a bit counterintuitive, but when you praise a child’s efforts you are bringing attention to something they can easily control — the amount of effort they put in.  This is immensely important because it teaches them to persist, and that personal growth through hard work is possible.  They come to see themselves as “in control” of their success in life.

Emphasizing God-given intelligence takes progress out of your child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.  In turn, your child may begin to think that innate intelligence is always going to be a missing ingredient for them, and disregard the importance of their effort to learn and grow.

With that said, a word to the wise: Don’t over-praise your children for no reason.  Make sure your gestures of praise are warranted.  Because if every single move your child makes is based only on rewards like constant praise, when the praise stops, the effort stops too.  And that’s not good because it means they won’t be able to perform well when you’re not around.

The best thing to do?  Again, praise purposefully when it’s truly warranted.  And when your child gets stuck, give them a chance to learn that frustrating issues can be worked through.

5.  Don’t read TO your children, read WITH them.

Got a youngster who’s learning to read?  Don’t let them just stare at the pictures in a book while you do all the work by reading every word to them.  Instead, call attention to the words.  Point to them.  Point to the pictures that illustrate them.

Read WITH them, not to them.

Research shows this tactic helps build a child’s reading comprehension.  When shared book reading is enriched with explicit attention to the development of a child’s reading skills, it truly becomes an effective vehicle for promoting early literacy.  Perhaps even more importantly than that, it makes learning more fun.  And as you know, fun times are happy times in a child’s mind.

6.  Eat dinner together as a family.

Eating dinner together makes a difference.  According to The Secrets of Happy Families, children who have dinner with their families do better across pretty much every conceivable metric.  “A recent wave of research shows that children who eat dinner with their families are less likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, get pregnant, become depressed, and develop eating disorders.”

Additional research also suggests that children who enjoy family meals have larger vocabularies, better manners, healthier diets, and higher self-esteem in the long run.  The most comprehensive survey done on this topic, a University of Michigan report that examined how American children spent their time between 1981 and 1997, discovered that “the amount of time children spent eating meals at home was the single biggest predictor of better academic achievement and fewer behavioral problems.  Mealtime was more influential than time spent in school, studying, attending religious services, or playing sports.”

Even if eating dinner together every night isn’t possible, you should make it a point to eat together as a family at least once a week.

7.  Create logical, reasonable rules and boundaries for your children.

Children don’t do well in a free-for-all environment.  It’s a myth that being too strict guarantees rebellion and being permissive drives better behavior.  From the research we’ve done, it’s clear that children who go crazy and get in trouble mostly have parents who don’t set reasonable rules and boundaries.  If their parents are loving and accepting no matter what they do — even when they are unruly — children take their parent’s lack of rules as a sign that they don’t really care about them — that they don’t really want the job of being parents in the first place.

On the flip side, parents who are consistent in enforcing rules and boundaries are often the same parents who become the closest with their children.  According to a Penn State study by Dr. Nancy Darling and Dr. Linda Caldwell, parents that set logical rules pertaining to key principles of influence, and explain why the rules are there, engage more closely with the children and ultimately have a happier, healthier relationship with them.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should over-do the rules, or make rules just for the sake of making rules.  Parents that are too controlling raise children that are stifled and bored.  And stifled, bored kids are likely to rebel.

Again, via Dr. Linda Caldwell, “Even busy kids get bored, for two common reasons.  First, they are doing lots of activities only because their parents signed them up — there’s no intrinsic motivation.  Second, they’re so accustomed to their parents filling their free time that they don’t know how to productively fill it on their own.”  And thus, they often turn to mischief or even substance abuse when their parents back off or aren’t around.

8.  Give your children an opportunity to make healthy peer relationships.

The peer group your children associate with has an enormous effect on their long-term happiness and educational aspirations.  As parents, we sometimes only talk to our children about peer pressure when it’s negative, but more often than not, it’s positive.  Living in a nice child-friendly neighborhood, going to highly rated schools, and making sure your children associate with the right peers can make a world of difference.

In his book, The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor shows that the easiest way for a college kid to improve their grade point average and self-confidence in class is to simply pick a smart, supportive roommate.  He found that “when students with low grade-point averages simply began rooming with higher-scoring students, their grade-point averages increased.”  These students, according to the researchers, “appeared to infect each other with good and bad habits — such that a roommate with a high grade-point average would drag upward the grade point average of his lower-scoring roommate.”

Bottom line:  As a human being, you are the average of the people you spend the most time with.  And that’s why it’s not always where you are in life, but who you have by your side that matters most.  The same is true for your children.

9.  Make sure your children get enough sleep every night.

A tired mind is rarely constructive or content.  And it’s even worse for children than it is for adults.  According to the insightful book, NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, missing an hour of sleep turns a sixth grader’s brain into that of a fourth grader.  Even a loss of one hour of sleep is equivalent to the loss of two years of cognitive development to the typical child.

There’s also a direct correlation between good grades and the average amount of sleep a child gets.  Teens who received A’s average about fifteen more minutes of sleep than B students, who in turn average fifteen more minutes than C’s, and so on.  The data from NurtureShock was almost an exact replication of results from an earlier study of over 3,000 high schoolers that’s referenced in the book.  Certainly, these are averages, but the consistency of the two studies stands out.  For children, every fifteen minutes of sleep counts.

10.  Help your children maintain a gratitude journal.

In 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently, Angel and I discuss the powerful benefits of keeping a gratitude journal.  And the good news is, it works for children too.

Again, via the NurtureShock: “In one celebrated example, Dr. Robert Emmons, of the University of California at Davis, asked teenage students to keep a gratitude journal — over ten weeks, the young undergrads listed five things that had happened in the last week which they were thankful for.  The results were surprisingly powerful — the students who kept the gratitude journal were 25% happier, were more optimistic about the future, and got sick less often during the controlled trial.  They even got more exercise.”

Bottom line:  Children who keep a gratitude journal are happier, more optimistic, and healthier.  As soon as your child is old enough, help them start one.

Afterthoughts

Angel and I have learned a lot from the research we’ve done, but one thing really stands out to me.  It’s clear that truly happy, well-nurtured children become successful people almost automatically.  In other words, healthy parenting creates happier children that are more likely to turn into successful, accomplished adults in the long run.

Also, happiness by itself, for all of us, is a tremendous advantage in a society that emphasizes high performance.  On average, happy people are more successful than their unhappy counterparts in all walks of life.  Because they feel better, they put in higher levels of effort and get better performance reviews, have more prestigious careers, earn higher salaries, and they’re also more likely to maintain happier, healthier relationships.

The floor is yours…

What would you add to the list?  What else can parents do to raise smart, happy children?  What has personal experience taught you?  Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.

Photo by: Irfan Cheema

“There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human – in not having to be just happy or just sad – in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time.”
— C. JoyBell C.

Be present, let go of the past, don’t beat yourself up over what you did yesterday, and don’t try to be perfect.  Just be a beautiful example of being human…

1.  Live one day at a time.

No matter what’s happening, anyone can efficiently fight the battles of just one day.  It’s only when you add the battles of those two abysmal eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated.  Realize that it’s not the experience of today that holds you back and drives you crazy, but the regret and resentment about something that happened yesterday or the fear and dread of what tomorrow might bring.  It’s necessary, therefore, to let yourself live just one day at a time – just today – just right here, right now.

2.  Be OK with not being OK all the time.

Bad things happen every day and to everyone at some point.  The difference is in how people deal with it.  So smile, let others know there is still hope.  Be patient and tough, someday this pain will be useful to you.  Those with the strength to succeed in the long run are the ones who lay a firm foundation of growth with the bricks that life has thrown at them.  So don’t be afraid to fall apart for a little while, because when it happens, the situation will open an opportunity for you to grow and rebuild yourself into the brilliant person you are capable of being.

3.  Earn the best days of your life.

Hard times are often blessings in disguise.  Let go and let life strengthen you.  No matter how much it hurts, hold your head up and keep going.  This is an important lesson to remember when you’re having a rough day, a bad month, or a crappy year.  Things will unquestionably change – you will not feel this way forever.

Truth be told, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your spirit needs most.  Your past was never a mistake if you learned from it.  So take all the crazy experiences and lessons and place them in a box labeled “Thank You.”  You simply can’t feel real happy unless you’ve felt heartache.  You can’t have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail.  You can’t know what it’s like to feel whole until you know what it’s like to feel completely shattered.  And you can’t be rebirthed until you’ve passed on from who you used to be.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

4.  When your intuition begs you to listen, listen.

There will be a distinct few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something – something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and seems completely crazy to others.  When this happens, sit quietly and listen to your intuition.  Let your instincts take over and ignore everything else.  Ignore what you’re “supposed” to do, ignore the odds, ignore what everyone else wants you to do, and just go for it.

In life, if you don’t risk anything, you risk everything.  And you can’t always wait for the perfect time.  Sometimes you must dare to jump.  Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage – just literally twenty seconds of uncomfortable bravery – and I promise you, something great will come of it.

5.  Look within for the answers you seek.

Constantly checking your life against one of society’s prewritten stories of how things “should” be is a phony way of living.  It’s sort of like renting your identity.  Just be you.  You are far more nuanced than anyone else’s narrative you try to fit yourself into, and more complex than society’s story of what “should” be happening.

The problem is that when you think you have to “look” for things in life like love, meaning, and inspiration, the “looking” implies that these things are somehow hiding behind some bushes somewhere, just waiting to be discovered.  So you start asking yourself questions that lead you further and further outside yourself, which is not where the answers you seek live.

In life you have to create your own love, define your own meaning, and harbor your own inspiration.  This process starts on the inside, not somewhere else.  Much of this can be accomplished simply by asking yourself the right questions.  Start with these:

• “Who am I?”
• “What do I need?”
• “How do I function best?”
• “What do I have to give?”
• “What’s the next step I can take right now?”

6.  Dare to challenge the status quo.

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.  In a world filled with doubt, you must dare to dream.  In a world filled with anger, you must dare to forgive.  In a world filled with hate, you must dare to love.  In a world filled with distrust, you must dare to believe.  And once you do, you will find that power you once thought you lacked.

Never let anyone steal your dreams.  Stay optimistic and focused.  Being positive when negativity surrounds you is not naive, it’s leadership.  Work hard in silence, do what you have to do, and ignore the drama and negativity surrounding you.  Let your success be your noise.  (Read Start: Punch Fear in the Face.)

7.  Work hard when hard work is required.

Beware of quick-fix solutions that simply worsen the problems they promise to solve.  Obviously there’s nothing to be gained from a cure that’s worse than the disease.  And there’s certainly nothing to be gained from a solution that merely masks or delays a problem without addressing its underlying cause.  When there’s a real problem in your life, expect to do some real work.

Facing a challenge requires effort, and yet that effort is necessary only for a relatively short time.  Running from the challenge requires ever-increasing effort that has no end.  Truly eliminating the cause of the problem does indeed take more work than quickly fixing the symptoms.  Yet once the difficult work is done to remove the problem, it’s gone for good.  Do the required work to root out each problem at its core, and your efforts will always bring lasting returns.

8.  Appreciate your blessings.

Life is “give and take.” Give thanks and take nothing for granted.  Being happy doesn’t mean you have it all, it means you appreciate it all.  So stop worrying and complaining all the time.  Life is too short.  Instead of focusing on how stressed you are, remember how blessed you are.

You’re blessed more than you likely realize.  You have what many hope for.

The people and things you take for granted today may be the only ones you need tomorrow.  Never be too busy to make time for that which matters most.  Remember the good times, be strong during tough times, love always, laugh often, live honestly, and be thankful for each new day.  Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they have.  So be thankful today.  Life isn’t perfect, it’s just pretty darn good.

9.  Use your voice to support the truth.

Don’t hide your thoughts and feelings, especially when you can make a difference.  Be brave.  Speak your truth.  There is no greater sadness than holding on to the honest words you never had the courage to speak.  Say what needs to be said.  Hiding how you really feel and trying to make everyone happy doesn’t make you nice, it just makes you a liar.  You have to tell the truth, or eventually someone will tell it for you.  Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless.  Period.

Bottom line:  Never be dishonest and never put up with people who are.

10.  Practice kindness with an open mind.

The more you judge, the less you see and love.  Be compassionate and kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.  Everyone has a story hidden inside them that is equally as complex as your own; try to understand that people are not always as they seem.  Be patient with them.  Pay attention.

Everyone you meet has something important to teach you that may change your life.  In fact, many of your greatest accomplishments in life will come when you are able to bless someone else while you are going through your own storm.  So regardless of what’s going on in your life, be gentle and kind.  Think before you speak and act.  Always remember that the words and actions you choose can only be forgiven, not forgotten.  You were made to make a difference, so embrace every opportunity to do so.  No act of your kindness, no matter how tiny, will ever be wasted.

11.  Nurture your important relationships.

Sooner or later, you just want to be around the people who make you smile.  So every chance you get, spend time with those who help you love yourself more.  One true friend in life who understands your tears and troubles is far more valuable than a hundred friends who only show up for your smiles and joys.  Because a true friend accepts who you truly are, and also helps you become who you are capable of being.

Relationships like this require more than just finding the right person, they also require you to be the right person.  So when someone believes in you enough to lift you up, try not to let them down.  Actions often speak much louder than words.  When you care about someone you have to act accordingly.  They will be able to tell how you feel about them simply by the way you treat them over the long-term.  (Read The 5 Love Languages.)

12.  Let life guide you.

Life is often unpredictable.  Some of the greatest moments in your life won’t necessarily be the things you do; they’ll be things that happen to you.  That doesn’t mean you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life.  You have to take action, and you will.  But don’t forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change in an instant – for better or worse.

To an extent, the universe has a plan that’s always in motion.  A baby bird flaps its wings and it starts to hail – it’s a scary thought, but it happens and it’s part of life’s cycle.  All these little components of Mother Nature, constantly working – sometimes forcing you to struggle, and sometimes making sure you end up exactly in the right place at the right time.

The floor is yours…

Which of the points above do you intend to work on this year?  What else would you add to the list?  I would love to hear from you in the comments below.

Photo by: Nattu